Dale - Where are you?

Dale Earnhardt Sr. didn't make his return like I predicted. I thought he was going to paraglide in wearing a black #3 cape and superhero goggles. I was almost certain of it. But Dale failed me.

My theory is that Dale is still alive and kicking. Here are my reasons: 1. The crash didn't look all that bad, 2. His son was emerging as an up and coming star, and he didn't want his son to have to be in his shadow, 3. He was getting burnt out on racing but didn't want to seem like a wuss to his hardcore hickbob fans for simply retiring, 4. He knew one day he could make a triumphant comeback and everyone would love him twice as much.

Maybe Dale really is gone. But for me, Dale will always be out there somewhere. Somewhere where all goats are born with a number 3 on their backs, where the number 3 with a halo is proudly displayed on every vehicle, where people randomly shout "Dale!", where Calvin freely pees on the number 24. All I can say is we love ya Dale, and oh yeah, Gordon is queer.