Less than Home

This morning on the walk to work, which I love dearly, I saw a shopping cart with miscellaneous items including dirty clothes, filthy blankets, and Milwaukee's Best 16 oz. beers. So, I assume it's a homeless person's cart. But the homeless guy was nowhere to be found. I mean, I would think if you're homeless, that shopping cart full of shit is all you have man. You gotta guard that shit. If I was homeless, I would be afraid to sleep because I would be worried some other greedy homeless bastard would take off with it. I think if you're homeless, the shopping cart is key. I can't think of a better way to haul around all the booze and dirty shit you collect.

Speaking of the homeless, I can't help but think that one day they will revolt. One day they're going to get sick of seeing people with their cell phones and their cars and their nice clothes and their delicious looking food items they can't afford, and they're going to go ballistic on our asses. I can picture one homeless guy pushing another homeless guy in a shopping cart who has a spear of some sort in a jousting position. Other homeless peoples will be beating us with their cardboard "I'm homeless, give me money" signs and empty liquor bottles. I know I wouldn't want to fight one of them. Those mofos are crazy man. They have nothing to live for.

Another thing about the homeless. Wouldn't you think they could come up with some better signs? I mean come on people, get it together. You're homeless. You have all the time in the world to think of something better than "Anything will help. God Bless." Its a fact that if you have something funny or clever on there, people are more likely to open their billfold for you. Take it from the "I'm not going to lie, I want beer" guy. He knows. Maybe I could come up with slogans for them if they give me a portion of the cut. Or, if they were really smart, they would approach a corporation and ask them to sponsor him. He could put the company logo on his cardboard sign that would be seen by thousands of people after a game/event.

One more thing about my friends minus homes. Why wouldn't you commit a petty crime so you could get thrown in jail? Jails are really nice these days. They have showers, beds, and cable television. And you wouldn't have to worry about taking it up the butt because you most likely smell and look like ass. Its just an idea. I know thats what I would do if I didn't have somewhere to call home.