Out of...and back into...retirement

This past Tuesday was the last ACN softball game of the spring season. I'm the team mascot. I spend the game drinking beers on the side and heckling most of the time. Well, the ol' ACN team was getting pummeled pretty bad. The last inning, Ryan Breen asked me if I want to take his spot in the field. Well, hell yes I did. So I sprint out to left field amongst the cheering crowd. People were chanting my name. "Country, country, country!" The flashes of the cameras almost blinded me. You could tell by the look in their eyes, the opponents were scared for their lives. The butterflies in the stomach feeling I had once known, was no longer there. I had been here before. I was confident...almost cocky. But for a man with my sheer talent and athleticism, who wouldn't be? The first batter comes to the plate. A woman...and not just any woman. This was a beast of a woman, possibly an ogre with a wig on. Cavewoman menacingly pulls out her club and points it in my direction and then spits her mouthful of tobacco juice halfway to the pitcher's mound. I knew it was now or never. I had to prove myself. Then, in a blink of an eye, the ball is blasted in my direction. My instincts took over. I made a dash for the ball, carefully timing each step so I would be there in the knick of time. The ball slams into my glove and the crowd goes wild. It was the best feeling of my life. After the game, I was named MVP of the game. I believe I'll go out on top. It's time to retire. And with a 1.000 field percentage. Not too shabby.