Late Night with David Letterman

I watched the David Letterman show last night because Howard Stern and Gwen Stefani (hot) were on. God that show is awful. I seriously don't think I even cracked a smile, let alone laugh. The jokes were terrible...so dry and not funny. I figured the top ten would at least be decent. It made me want to puke. Here it is:

Top Ten Signs You Are Not One Of The Most Fascinating People Of 2006

10. You're 37, but you still answer the phone, "Hello, mommy?"
9. Only person who'll interview you is Barbara Walters' nephew, Duane Walters
8. You spend your paycheck on strippers and Slim Jim's
7. Favorite topic of conversation? Thumbtacks
6. Al Gore told you to stop drinking on and on
5. Proudest day was when you unscrambled "dgo" in the "Jumble"
4. Your catchphrase is "Can't, I'm allergic"
3. The public adores you -- "The public" being your garage full of raccoons
2. You convened the Iraq study group to determine the state of your underpants
1. You're in charge of onions at Taco Bell

I find numbers 3, 5, and 7 to be especially stupid.

I'm calling for Letterman and Leno (another old, not funny bastard) to be taken off the air. This is ridiculous. Conan rules!