Leave of Absence

Well boys, it'll be light posting from me for a bit with vacation and Tech Ed. Should be back to regular status in a couple weeks. If anyone's going to TechEd from ACN - nati, have them look me up. Give them my #.

Keep up the good work on here, I' ll have to read all the good stories. Beer ya later.

Bartender Gets $10,000 Tip on $26 Tab

http://articles.news.aol.com/news/_a/bartender-gets-10000-tip-on-26-tab/20060831040509990004?ncid=NWS00010000000001

Redneck Special Forces

Deadwood

Have you guys heard of the HBO show Deadwood? I rented the first season and now I'm addicted. If you like Westerns, booze, prostitutes, gunfights, and swearing, you will love this show. I know its right up my alley. Plus, they even throw in modern day cursewords like the F and C words. Its great!

Check out the website: Deadwood

Technology Sux

Last night I wanted to watch a DVD. So, I go over to the DVDR (DVD recorder/player thingy) and hit the Open/Close button. Nothing happens. I hit it again. Still nothing. So I start going through hitting every button on the remote and the box and turning the power off and on. Yet again, nothing. This is my second box. The last one I had to send in with Miracle still stuck in the damn thing. I ended up buying that movie from Blockbuster because of it. So now, I think I'm in the same situation (there is a Blockbuster DVD stuck in it). At this point, I'm starting to get very angry. I decide I will worry about that problem tomorrow and pop the DVD into the Playstation 2. The Playstation 2 should play DVDs right? I get a disc read error. Now, I'm getting even angrier and thinking about throwing something. I pull a DVD player out of my room and hook it up to the TV. This has to work, I'm thinking. I turn it on and nothing shows up on the TV screen. Apparently this POS doesn't work either. I sat there and pouted for a while, planning my next move while watching the miserable Reds play miserable baseball. I can't stand doing that anymore, so I pull out my work laptop, put my headphones on, and watch the damn DVD on my laptop. I think the laptop is lucky it decided to work (unlike my other supposed DVD playing contraptions), or I would have thrown it against the wall. I hate technology.

F-ing Reds

I think they're going to go 1-9 on this road trip. They are done. Its official.

TV Star

How do you all feel that one of your friends is a TV star? I know........no applause is needed. I was on Fox 19 News Saturday night at 10pm. They interviewed me for the Give Back Cincinnati event in Walnut Hills. They had a 5 min video clip for the event and I got my 10 seconds of fame talking about why you should volunteer (tear tear). If you all need some money, just let me know and I'll write out some IOU's......hopefully the money will start rolling in soon :)

Reds Loss Again!

6-5 loss last night for the Red legs. They are very streaky! It's funny b/c everyone on the radio is hating them one week and loving them the next........great stuff.

Marv's Poker Tourney

Pics from Marv's Poker Tourney:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ryan_otto_chambers

Here was the order of events:

1) Bicardi + Rum
2) Poker
3) Chili Cheese Dip - YUM!
4) More Poker
5) Pizza, Beer, more Bicardi + Rum, Moonshine made an appearance (aka Marv and Jesse)
6) Poker finished
7) Super Mario Kart
8) Jesse and Ryan wrestling - UFC style
9) End of Night - 3am ish

I Demand a Recount!

This sore loser refuses to crawl back under the rock he came from (or in this case his wife's multi-million dollar estate). I was really hoping we would never hear anything from this guy again. I was hoping he would follow Al Gore's lead and disappear off the face of the earth. Is that too much to ask?

Here's the article: Kerry Declares Shananigans

Captain Highpants

I don't know if you guys ever watch Glenn Beck on CNN, but the last several weeks he has been discussing the JonBenet Ramsey murder suspect and all of the latest developments. Many people speculated this creep was not involved at all but instead has some mental problems or wants attention. Because Glenn Beck believed this guy just wants to be famous, he refused to say his name and blurred out his face on any video footage. He held a competition on his radio show to give the guy a name. The winner - Captain Highpants. So, for the last week or more, he's been calling this guy Captain Highpants non-stop, even when he's interviewing experts, lawyers, etc. Its pretty funny. Its even funnier now that we know the guy was full o' shit and the DNA proves it.

Speaking of the Reds ...

Maybe they need to go get a physical and see what's the problem ...

Reds

Well, I think it's finally over for the Reds. I'm sure we've all said that before earlier this season. They're still a half game up on the wild card, but after tying the Cards, they've lost three straight. That's going in the wrong direction.

Worst Draft Ever

I drafted for my fantasy football team yesterday. I am pretty sure it's the worst draft I've ever had. This is a keeper league. Prior to the draft I traded Edgerrin James for Clinton Portis (a couple days before he got hurt). I also kept Brian Westbrook and Hines Ward. Both of whom are also hurt. Great.
Here's how the rest of my team came out ... I drafted 5th.
Keepers...
Clinton Portis
Brian Westbrook
Hines Ward

Draft
1st round - Willie Parker
2 - Plexiglass Burris
3 - Derrick Mason
4 - Eli punk Manning
5 - Panthers D
6 - Michlel Vick
7 - Jay Feeley
8 - Greg Jones
9 - Tatum Bell
10 - Sammy Parker
11 - LJ Smith
12 - Ashley Lelie

Greg Jones was a mistake. I meant to take Matt Jones a receiver out of Jacksonville, but I apparently said Greg Jones a running back out of Jacksonville. I found out a couple rounds later when someone tried to take Matt Jones, and I said I already picked him. I was so pissed. Shit was flying around my apt. I was drunk at this time. So I drafted Sammy Parker. What was I thinking? First he's a Chief. Second - he blows. I was just pissed and drafting the first receiver I saw on the list.

I only got one Bronco. Three Giants. I had the Giants. Someone stole Mike Bell from me. Bastards. I hope if you guys are in a league you get a better team than me.

The Best Video Games in the History of Humanity

Check out The Best Video Games in the History of Humanity here:

http://www.filibustercartoons.com/games.htm

Here is the top 5 Overall:


1
Super Mario 64 (17 out of 23 lists)
74%
2
Tetris (appears on 16 out of the 23)
70%
3 (tie)
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (13 out of 23)
57%
Street Fighter II (13 out of 23)
57%
4
Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (12 out of 23)
52%

Parking Garage Lady

I hate the parking garage lady. I really, truly hate her. And I am one of those people who believe hate is a strong word. But I can honestly say, from the bottom of my heart, that I hate this woman. And let me give you three reasons why...

1. She can't do her job.
I don't know how many times I have had to tell her what change she needs to give me back. One day, I brought in $3.50 in quarters. That is easy enough, right? She looks at me bewildered and asks, "Do I owe you anything?" Are you serious? I was going to explain how stupid this is, but I can't even dumb myself down to that level. Another day, she takes my money (exact change) and says, "What do I do now?" Uhh...give me the f-ing ticket. How's that? And, no matter what amount of money I hand her, she has to ask me at some point during our transaction what amount I gave her. Can you not count? If not, you shouldn't have a job.

2. She punishes you if you do not have exact change.
This woman hates $20 bills. She will purposely give you sixteen ones back just to make you feel like an ass for giving her the $20. Even when you can see a $10 or a $5 laying right there! Also, she sometimes gives me the 50 cents in dimes and nickels even when I see the stack of quarters laying right beside her register. I need those quarters for my laundry!

3. She goes on and on about day games and how you can't park there.
All week long this woman has to tell me about how there is a day game on Thursday and I can't park there and blah blah blah. Every single day! And there are already signs up stating this. It wouldn't even be so bad if she was nice about it. But she's not.

Well, I'm done ranting and raving. I really had to get that off of my chest.

No Habla Ingles

Apparently there are so many illegals in this country now that they have to add an extra screen to the ATM window. I have to choose between English and Mexican before I can even enter my PIN and withdraw some mothafuggin money. This is an outrage. If you're going to live in this country, learn to speak the language. We shouldn't have to go out of our way to make them more comfortable. Its the little things like these that make me so angry and that will eventually give me a heart attack. Well, that and all of the booze and fast food I ingest.

Just Do It

I was wondering this today, "What the hell does Just Do It mean?" It's the greatest slogan of all time and Nike uses it for all of their advertisements. What do they want me to do? I don't get it. Maybe I'm a moron and just don't understand what they want me to do.

This doesn't completely explain what "Just Do It" means but is an interesting fact:

• It is also interesting to note that the Nike slogan appeared at roughly the same time as then First-Lady Nancy Reagan’s patented anti-drug slogan, „Just say no.”

Here's another interesting fact about the Nike swoosh:

• There are more Nike swooshes worn than any other sign or symbol by which an individual identifies him or herself, including, for example, Christian crosses, American flags, or skinhead swastikas. More than pierced noses or tattoos.

Isn't the crazy? I thought that was an awesome fact. The only thing I liked about Nike was when they came out with the Bo Knows commercials and advertisements. I loved Bo Jackson back in the day. Not to mention he is an Auburn grad. Check out definition #7 on the urban dictionary for Nike:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nike

I bet you haven't seen that definition for Nike before!

Brain Fuel

That's right boys and girls......eat up your bananas and get smarter. They are fuel for the brain. Atleast that's what the sticker on my banana says: "Brain Fuel". I think Chiquita is just trying to pull a quick one on us.

They could probably put anything on a banana and we would believe it. For example, "Eat a banana and go to Heaven." Or maybe something like, "Rich people eat bananas.....why not you?" The sticker on the banana would read, "Get Rich."

Cross Community Meeting

Here are the photos from the Cross Community Meeting:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ryan_otto_chambers/

It was held at Dave and Buster's last Friday the 18th. Drinks started at 2:30 PM and the rest is history!

TJ's Grandma?

While perusing the Circleville Pumpkin Show website, I stumbled upon pictures of all of the past Miss Pumpkin winners (dating back to 1933 no less). One lady in particular caught my attention. Her last name happens to be Wilkinson (Wilma Jean Wilkinson). Hmm...do I know of any Wilkinson's from Circleville? Then it hits me. TJ Wilkinson! Could this be his grandma? If so, let me just say Grandma Wilkinson was quite the looker. Btw - Tracie and I are planning on attending the pumpkin madness this year.

Elvis Does Mulletsville

Elvis isn't really dead (he's hanging out with Dale). He only does small town events now like the Morgan County Fair in Mulletsville. Here are some of the highlights of the upcoming fair:

Wednesday, September 6, 2006
Tractor Pull

Thursday, September 7, 2006
Dwight Icenhower as ELVIS

Friday, September 8, 2006
Rough Truck Contest

Saturday, September 9, 2006
Demolition Derby


Check out all the events, which include such greats as the dog show, sheepshearing contest, sheep judging, swine show, poultry judging, beef showmanship contest, horse show, pie auction, rabbit judging, and parade of livestock.

Don't forget, everything is deep fried goodness! You guys are more than welcome to come. My parents have some extra beds. And...we have a game room including a pool table, pinball machine, darts, bar, and bowling game. Come on down bitches! We can even go to the local watering holes!

I can't wait to wear my Demolition Derby Big Country shirt, camo cargo pants, and Budweiser hat to the Demolition Derby. It's going to be hicktastic!

Website:

Mulletsville Fair, Bitches

Forget About Busch. Hit the G-Spot!

Jeff Gordon...."You my boy blue." Don't be mad at him because he drives the DuPont #24 car, combs his hair and speaks grammatically correct. He can't help it that he's a freak of nature in NASCAR.

2 Races 2 Late

I finally have myself a Nascar driver. Kurt Busch combines two of my most favorite things in the world: beer and NewPage. I didn't even know NewPage sponsored anyone until the Community meeting. So I guess TJ and I will be rooting for the Busch brothers. Like TJ says, "Who doesn't love a Busch?"

What in the hell!?

I HATE THE YANKEES AND RED SOX!!!!!!! They don't even have sportscenter on this morning - they're showing a replay of last night's yankees and sox game. What kinda horse shit is that?

Joke Cookie? Not Very Funny

Let me just say I love Asian women. Now that that's out of the way, let me tell you about this crap that Chinese restaurants are trying to pass off as fortune cookies nowadays. This was my supposed "fortune" today: "Customer service is like taking a bath; you have to keep doing it." WTF is that? Fortune? I think not. As Ryan pointed out to me, its a GD joke. What am I supposed to do with a joke? That isn't going to alter my near future's life decisions like a fortune cookie would. Now, I've also seen statements in these things too. Here is one example (an actual "fortune" I have received): "Being an able man. there are always." What is that? Those are sentence fragments that are clearly not headed to anything resembling a fortune. All I'm saying is if you're going to give me a joke cookie give me a heads up beforehand. This way I won't get my hopes up just to have them dashed when there's a f-ing knock knock joke chilling in there.

Life Movie

Jesse and I were at the Bengals preseason game and we decided to take a smoke break. During the smoke break, we were looking into the Cincy city horizon and it hit me like a pile of bricks (that would hurt by the way). Wouldn't it be cool if there was a movie of your entire life? The good, the bad and the ugly. I mean everything.

Obviously, just like a movie......you could fast forward through the bad parts such as you birth. You wouldn't want to see that. You could re-wind and play back moments. Maybe the first time you had sex. Well.....maybe not but you get the point.

It would also be neat if you could change the view. To be able to switch from first person to third person or maybe you just want a sky view.

Jesse also brought up a good point. What if when you hit the heavenly golden gates or possibly the fiery pits of hell......depending on your situation, you get to watch your video. Kind of like a reward for getting through life. Just like playing the Life board game.

Less than Home

This morning on the walk to work, which I love dearly, I saw a shopping cart with miscellaneous items including dirty clothes, filthy blankets, and Milwaukee's Best 16 oz. beers. So, I assume it's a homeless person's cart. But the homeless guy was nowhere to be found. I mean, I would think if you're homeless, that shopping cart full of shit is all you have man. You gotta guard that shit. If I was homeless, I would be afraid to sleep because I would be worried some other greedy homeless bastard would take off with it. I think if you're homeless, the shopping cart is key. I can't think of a better way to haul around all the booze and dirty shit you collect.

Speaking of the homeless, I can't help but think that one day they will revolt. One day they're going to get sick of seeing people with their cell phones and their cars and their nice clothes and their delicious looking food items they can't afford, and they're going to go ballistic on our asses. I can picture one homeless guy pushing another homeless guy in a shopping cart who has a spear of some sort in a jousting position. Other homeless peoples will be beating us with their cardboard "I'm homeless, give me money" signs and empty liquor bottles. I know I wouldn't want to fight one of them. Those mofos are crazy man. They have nothing to live for.

Another thing about the homeless. Wouldn't you think they could come up with some better signs? I mean come on people, get it together. You're homeless. You have all the time in the world to think of something better than "Anything will help. God Bless." Its a fact that if you have something funny or clever on there, people are more likely to open their billfold for you. Take it from the "I'm not going to lie, I want beer" guy. He knows. Maybe I could come up with slogans for them if they give me a portion of the cut. Or, if they were really smart, they would approach a corporation and ask them to sponsor him. He could put the company logo on his cardboard sign that would be seen by thousands of people after a game/event.

One more thing about my friends minus homes. Why wouldn't you commit a petty crime so you could get thrown in jail? Jails are really nice these days. They have showers, beds, and cable television. And you wouldn't have to worry about taking it up the butt because you most likely smell and look like ass. Its just an idea. I know thats what I would do if I didn't have somewhere to call home.

Damn Yankees

I found this sweet site today if you are looking for good MLB facts:

http://www.baseball-almanac.com

I stumbled upon the site looking up who had won past World Series because Jesse and Marvin were arguing about it last night. Jesse said that the Yankees had not won more than 3 World Series since 1996 (10 years ago). When I found this site, it brought back memories of why I started to passionately hate the damn Yankees. It's not a big deal that they won alot but that they used tons of money to buy everyone under the sun. To get back to the argument, I'm sad to say that Jesse was wrong. You can check out the World Series history here:

http://www.baseball-almanac.com/ws/wsmenu.shtml

In short, the Yankees won the World Series in 1996 and 1998 through 2000. Details are below:

1996 World Series6 Game Series
Atlanta Braves[3 - 5 in Series Play]
2
New York Yankees[23 - 11 in Series Play]
4
1997 World Series7 Game Series
Florida Marlins[1 - 0 in Series Play]
4
Cleveland Indians[2 - 3 in Series Play]
3
1998 World Series4 Game Series
San Diego Padres[0 - 2 in Series Play]
0
New York Yankees[24 - 11 in Series Play]
4
1999 World Series4 Game Series
Atlanta Braves[3 - 6 in Series Play]
0
New York Yankees[25 - 11 in Series Play]
4
2000 World Series5 Game Series
New York Mets[2 - 2 in Series Play]
1
New York Yankees[26 - 11 in Series Play]
4
2001 World Series7 Game Series
Arizona Diamondbacks[1 - 0 in Series Play]
4
New York Yankees[26 - 12 in Series Play]
3

"Relief" via Left Hand

The Reds traded for Scott Shoeneweis today to further "strengthen" their bullpen. Shoeneweis, a left handed reliever from the Toronto Blue Jays, was traded to the Reds for a player to be named later. According to my count, the Reds now have six left handed relievers in the bullpen: Bill Bray, Rheal Cormier, Eddie Guardado, Chris Michalak, Brian Shackleford, and now Scott Schoeneweis. I would say the Reds pretty much have the corner on the left handed relief market. Now if one of them can get the job done, I will be happy.

Its Official - I'm a Sleazy Old Man

I was watching the Reds game last night, but that wasn't worth watching so I decided to do a little channel surfing. Naked Cops was on, so I had to watch that for a while. Then, I stumble upon a little competition called Miss Teen USA. I had to at least check it out. I tuned in just in time for the swimsuit competition. Good lord. They were bouncing and jiggling everywhere. It was awesome. That beats the Reds game any day. The only problem is that I feel like a dirty old man. It was so wrong, but it felt so right. Check out Miss Montana, this year's Miss Teen USA.

The Origin of the Mulligan

Did you ever wonder where the term 'mulligan' came from? It appears no one really knows for sure, but here are several theories:

WTF is a mulligan?

My favorite theory - The "Dictionary of Word and Phrase Origins" offers a more prosaic explanation. It postulates the word derives from saloons that, back in the day, would place a free bottle of booze on the bar for customers to dip into. That free bottle was called, according to the book, a Mulligan. The term was adapted to the golf course to denote a "freebie" to be used by golfers.

Words Banned from NFL Jerseys

Check out this list of words NFL Shop has banned from custom NFL jerseys.

Naughty Words List

Several of my personal favorites: assmonkey, cumbubble, hooters, i love beer, lovegoo, pearlnecklace, poontang, pubiclice, queef, snatchpatch, tunneloflove

Messin With Sasquatch

You've probably seen one of these commercials on TV. It's the Messin With Sasquatch commercials for Jack Link's Beef Jerky. Check out the link below to see all the commercials:

http://www.messinwithsasquatch.com/


I love the Shaving Cream one when the Sasquatch catchs up with them. Watch it all the way to the end.

Break The Seal: Myth or Truth?

You're at a party and on your third or fourth beer it hits you, "Man.....I really have to go to the bathroom." So you make a bee-line to the bathroom and someone shouts, "Don't do it......You'll break the seal!" But you can't resist.......you either wet yourself or break the legendary seal.

Is there really a seal? What the hell is the seal anyways and how could you possibly break it? Is it possible to break it by going pee? Well, legend has it.......that it is possible and once it is broken you can never go back. You will be stuck in a whirlwind nightmare of non-stop peeing.

I checked "break seal" on dictionary.com and found the following definition:

break seal: a seal that must be broken when first used and cannot easily be resealed


That explains what it is but can it be scientifically proven. Myth or truth......we might never know!

The Natural Red Head

Jesse and I were walking out of the Bengals game on Sunday night and we happened to walk past this extremely drunk person who was hitting on Jesse. She uttered the funniest thing out of her mouth, "Are you naturally a red head?" I almost busted out laughing. Check out the natural red head.

The rest of the Bengals vs Redskins Preseason game photos are here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ryan_otto_chambers/

Summer Bash 2006 Photos

Here are the photos from Summer Bash 2006:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ryan_otto_chambers/sets/72157594236682033/

Check out the classic photo above.

Cincinnati Hat, Cincinnati Jersey

WHOOOOOOOO DEYYYYYYYYY!!! Chambers and I went to the Bengals preseason game last night. Notables:
- Chambers refused to wear any of my Who Dey or Bengals gear. He opted for the orange Auburn shirt.
- Chambers tried to call out the Shampoo effect a good 16 hours after his last beer. Shananigans was called out immediately after.
- Jerome Bettis (The Bust) was booed loudly severaly times, once for supposedly waving his Super Bowl ring at the crowd.
- Madden was in the house and somehow I couldn't see his fat ass from my seats.
- Clinton Portis hurt himself trying to lay the smack down on Keiwan Ratliff.
- No one called the Jerk Line on us, which is always good.
- Kelly Washington did the Squirrel, which I do believe is my favorite TD dance.
- Chad sported a blond mohawk.
- The Bengals won. Who Dey!
- Did I hear Denver lost to Detroit? Ouch. Good thing its just preseason. Go Kitna!

Joke of the Day

A penis said to the balls, "Get ready. We're going to a party." The balls groaned back, "Every time you get in and we have to wait outside."

Movie Review - Talladega Nights

Not a whole lot to say here other than shake and bake. You shake it and then you bake it. Most of the funny parts were in the previews (as with most comedies these days). May I say that his blond girlfriend in the movie is friggin gorgeous. Wowsas! His rival the French guy was really weird and creepy. There were some pretty hilarious outtakes at the end of the movie. I give it a B.

Show me the pink!

The day after golf we went salmon fishing. Salmon fishing really involves little skill unless you're the boat cap't. We chartered a boat out of Grand Haven, Mi and went out on lake Michigan. Basically we sit around and drink beer while the cap't trolls 11 rods through the water until we hook into one - then you run over, grab a rod, and reel it in.

I caught the first one because I happened to be standing closest to the first rod that got a bite. I think it was the biggest fish of the day - some where around 18 pounds I think. Then we went in a rotation - me, Steve, Dad.

We each had a limit of 3. I missed my third one. My dad got all of his on his first try and was 3/3, I ended up 3/4, and my brother 3/5. Those things can take a while to horse in though, and my arms felt like jello when finished. I don't know how those deep sea marlin fisherman do it!

Anyway, if you're interested, you can check out my pictures on my website. Oh, and we ended up with 38 pounds of salmon after it was cut up.

Really Dropped the Chambers on that One

The end of the summer bash at the Chamberses was last night. Good food, good times, good night. We had some cornhole tourneys (I suck) and did alot of bullshittin. Anyways, its about 12:15 and I realize the Chamberses are missing. We are all kind of like wtf? We thought maybe they took a sex break or something. So I walk upstairs to join and they are laying on the bed with the light on and the door open. Stacy is awake but Ryan is unconscious. We can't wake him up. So, I alert everyone else to the news and we start thinking of things to do to f with him. Should we do the hand in the warm water piss the bed trick? No, Stacy has to sleep there too. What about the shave the eyebrow gag? No, too drastic. Marker on the face? Nope, not that either. I have to be seen in public with him the next day at the Bengals game. All of a sudden, the light bulb goes off. We decide to try to carry him outside and leave him on the grass with his head propped up on the cornhole board like its a pillow. We go upstairs, and instead of simply grabbing him by the arms and legs, we decide it would be better to roll him into a sleeping bag and carry that out. This way, he would have less of a chance of waking up...or so we thought. Marvin, Jeff, and I grab ahold of the Chambers sleeping bag burrito and take off down the stairs. Well, we get a little more than half way down and I realize all the weight is shifting to the front, which for some reason we went head first with him. That shit is getting really heavy. I'm losing my grip. Then, I start thinking about how hilarious this is and I completely lose it. I start cracking up, lose my grip, and drop Chambers on his head at the bottom of the stairs. He gets up, pushes Stacy, and goes upstairs. So we're all laughing about it and we said we would do it again in twenty minutes. Apparently he heard this, so he locked himself in the bathroom. So, our whole plan backfired. I always f everything up. I was the weakest link. Chambers was a pretty good sport about it this morning. Oh yeah, I just remembered we took pictures of me pretending to hump him and I put an ice pack down his crack (we found out later he threw it against the wall). Chambers doesn't ever get angry. Only when people are f-ing with him and he's trying to sleep. We are a bunch of bastards.

Home Territory

My dad and brother are up for the weekend to fish and golf. We hit the links tonight for 9 holes. I figured I had to win - it was my home course and my dad and brother neither has played the course. My dad has a sore elbow and my brother has 13 stitches in his back - and not really supposed to golf. My brother is a better golfer than me, but with the stitches I still figure it's my round to lose.

Well, I'm playing ok, and by about the time we finish hole 7, I pretty much know I'm gonna win. I think I told my brother something like 'Go ahead and make the winner's check out to me.' The 8th hole I play ok, but miss a short putt for bogey and take a 6. Oh, I forgot to mention that back on the 7th it's getting pretty dark to the point where I'm not sure if we'll finish.

Hole 9 par 5 - I'm pissed from the missed putt, but know I have the match pretty much in the bag (as I should) so I just whack the shit out of it. Well, it's pretty dark now and I don't see the ball for a second and neither does anyone else. Shit. So, I hit another one and I see it go into the rough kinda behind a tree on the right. I'm laying 3.

Then I look at my score card. I was at 42 coming into this hole. Shit! If I'd have only paid more attention, I'd have hit that first drive more under control and take a round in the 40s. I need a 7 on the hole to shoot 49. After the lost drive, I basically have to par the hole on my second ball - in the damn near dark.

I'm swearing myself, but calm down by the time I get to my ball. I looked for the first one, but never found it. 4th shot (2nd for the second ball) - I rip a 3 wood across to the left side of the fairway, right over and past a tree then slicing back to the fairway (I think, it's so damn dark I can't be for sure). After my dad and brother find their shots and hit, I walk up and find my ball when I get about 15 feet away from it - indeed in the fairway. I'm about 150 out, and decide to hit a 7 (since I'm a pussy). There's a sprinkler going 1/2 between me and the green. 5th / 3rd shot I step up and hit what looks like a great shot - right at the green, but I don't see it land, have no idea where.

My dad and brother search for awhile in the rough, find their balls and hit. I walk towards the green and am looking around and finally find my ball resting about 15 yards out in the fairway. Shit. I thought I was on and could two put for the 7 and the 49.

I can barely see the pin - even only 15 yards out. But hell with it, I step up and hit my 6th / 4th shot and it looks like it's close. I can see it near the pin, but how close? I finally get up there and I'm about 18 in away. 18 inches from a 49 - only the second time under 50 all summer. I can barely see the break. I kinda remember it from before. I line it up, stand over for a minute - felt like I was putting to win the Masters.

Drano.

Dead center - I'd hope from 18 inches, but it was dark and I was nervous.

So, I effectively parred the last hole in the dark on my second ball, but since I lost the first one took a 7 and shot 49.

My brother shot 54 and dad 58 and I defended my home territory.

The weird thing was it didn't feel like I was playing all that great. I had a few 6's and a couple 7's, but I think on the par 3's I went bogey, par, bogey, which helped.

Anyway, good time golfing with them, glad I beat their ass though.

Squirrel Attack

Several people attacked by a squirrel at Central Park said they had one word for the animal: nuts. Alisa Cox's son Carson, 3, was bitten by a squirrel several times and had a 2-inch wound on his leg after the incident, Cox said.

The rest of the article about the attacking squirrel is here:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060811/ap_on_fe_st/angry_squirrel


Do you think squirrels are so gentle now? Imagine if it was a flying squirrel.....that could be trouble!

Fantasy Football League

We need to put together a fantasy football league of about 10 guys that we can do every year. Just get people that we all know and setup a league. I can coordinate but we just need to find some people. Hopefully Jesse will play and Marvin said he would be up. I'd like to get some people who would be involved and maybe put a little money down. Maybe between $25-50 per team. I know you are already in a league with your buddies TJ but I thought this would be fun. I already have setup a free league on nfl.com that we could use. Let me know what you all think.

Mr. Fantasy Football Owner

I heard a Real Men of Genius commercial this morning on the radio about the "Mr. Fantasy Football Owner." It was hilarious! I'm trying to find it online so you guys can hear it. If I do find it, I'll put it on the blog.

For all you non believers...

The Vanilla Frosty exists...and it is spectacular!

All Jacked Up

This is a pretty interesting article ...
http://wired.com/wired/archive/14.08/carkey.html

Mau' Problems

COLUMBUS, Ohio —

The legal morass that has ensnared Maurice Clarett since he was Ohio State's star running back mounted Wednesday when police found four loaded guns in his sport utility vehicle and couldn't subdue him with a stun gun because he was wearing a bullet-proof vest.

It was just the latest in a series of problems for the beleaguered Clarett, who hasn't played a game since scoring the winning touchdown in the Fiesta Bowl as a freshman for Ohio State's 2002 national champions.

He already faced trial in an armed robbery case next week, and his bond on those charges was raised to $1.1 million after he was jailed on the new weapon and traffic charges.

Clarett hid one semi-automatic handgun under his legs in the driver's seat and had an AK-47-type assault rifle on the passenger seat, police said. They said they found two other semi-automatic handguns, including one in a holster in a backpack.

"We don't have any idea why he had them or what, if anything, he was going to do with them," Columbus police Sgt. Michael Woods said. "But if you've got four guns in your car, you're up to no good."

The arrest came near the home of a witness set to testify against Clarett next week in the robbery case, Franklin County Prosecutor Ron O'Brien said.

When police tried to shock Clarett, they couldn't because of the vest and had to use pepper spray.

Police say he wove in and out of lanes, did a U-turn on a freeway and refused to leave the SUV after a spike stick flattened its tires.

Clarett's promising football career was derailed when he was suspended for the 2003 season after being charged with falsifying a police report.

He dropped out of school, then sued and lost in an attempt to be included in the 2004 NFL draft. He was a surprise third-round pick by the Denver Broncos in the 2005 draft but was cut during the preseason.

Earlier this year, he was charged with robbery and carrying a concealed weapon after authorities say he was identified by witnesses as the person who flashed a gun and robbed two people of a cell phone in an alley behind a Columbus lounge early on New Year's morning.

Assistant Franklin County Prosecutor Tim Mitchell asked a judge Wednesday to keep Clarett in jail and revoke his bond on the robbery charges, given that Clarett was arrested close to the home of Tywona Douglas, one of the people who identified him in the alley behind the bar.

Clarett's attorney, Nick Mango, said it was "probably unlikely" that Clarett would be able to post the higher bond, meaning he would stay in jail for the duration of his trial, which starts Monday.

The 22-year-old Clarett, a high school friend of NBA star LeBron James, became a father when his girlfriend gave birth to a premature daughter last month. When a judge scolded Clarett last week for being late for a hearing on the robbery charges, his attorney said Clarett was taking care of the baby.

Clarett did not speak to police who tried to interview him at the station Wednesday, and his arraignment in that case was scheduled for Thursday.

Police said the 6-foot, 245-pound Clarett refused to get out of the SUV when he pulled into a restaurant parking lot after a highway chase. It took several officers to handcuff him, and he kicked the doors of a transport vehicle as he was being taken to city police headquarters, Woods said.

A partially full bottle of vodka was found in the SUV, but no breath test was given because there was no indication Clarett was intoxicated, Woods said.

Clarett had planned to play for the Youngstown-based Mahoning Valley Hitmen, one of five teams in the Eastern Indoor Football League, starting in January.

Hitmen coach and owner Jim Terry said he spoke with Clarett by cell phone early Wednesday about upcoming tryouts and there was no hint anything was wrong.

The arrest will not affect Clarett's status with the team, Terry said.

"We gave him a chance and now we'll wait to see what happens," he said. "I've seen far worse situations than this."

____

Associated Press reporters Matt Leingang in Columbus and Devlin Barrett in Washington, D.C., contributed to this story.

© 2005 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Dale - Where are you?

Dale Earnhardt Sr. didn't make his return like I predicted. I thought he was going to paraglide in wearing a black #3 cape and superhero goggles. I was almost certain of it. But Dale failed me.

My theory is that Dale is still alive and kicking. Here are my reasons: 1. The crash didn't look all that bad, 2. His son was emerging as an up and coming star, and he didn't want his son to have to be in his shadow, 3. He was getting burnt out on racing but didn't want to seem like a wuss to his hardcore hickbob fans for simply retiring, 4. He knew one day he could make a triumphant comeback and everyone would love him twice as much.

Maybe Dale really is gone. But for me, Dale will always be out there somewhere. Somewhere where all goats are born with a number 3 on their backs, where the number 3 with a halo is proudly displayed on every vehicle, where people randomly shout "Dale!", where Calvin freely pees on the number 24. All I can say is we love ya Dale, and oh yeah, Gordon is queer.

Another Bengal Facing Charges

Bengals offensive lineman Eric Steinbach is expected back in Georgetown, Ky. for team practice in this afternoon, after being arraigned on "drunk boating" charges in Campbell County district court Tuesday morning.

More details from the article can be found on the link below:

http://www.wcpo.com/news/2006/local/08/08/bengal.html

N64 at your Fingertips

Play Nintendo 64 on your laptop. Check out the site below and get an emulator for N64:

http://www.freeroms.com/

You can install the emulator on your PC and load the different games they have on the website. It's sweet. Check the screenshot above. It is Super Mario Kart on my home computer in full screen mode.

Broken Glass

Well on Thursday night I decided to go out on the town and drink it up. So we headed over to Bar Louie to play some pool and drink. Houman Safai and I got there early. We played some pool and got some drinks. My drink of choice was Dos Equis draft ($2.50) and Houman was drinking the Mojito. If you are wondering about the Mojito (Cuban drink)....here's what it has in it:

A mojito is traditionally made of five ingredients: mint, rum, powdered sugar, lime juice, and club soda.

I didn't know the drink either. Later in the night we got the drink for Houman and they put parsley in it instead of mint. Definitely not good.

Well....me and Houman started the night and eventually Marvin, Jesse, Lisa Vilkoski and Elizabeth joined. Lisa and Elizabeth were in and out and Houman, Jesse, Marv and I were up there till about 11. At 11, we headed for my car since Houman and I drove up together. I go to get into my car and there's glass all over the driver's seat. That's weird. The shock flows in slowly to my brain.......someone has broke into my car. F*@&@............ Houman says, "Well atleast our laptops are in the trunk." The appropriate sentence would have been: Atleast our laptops "were" in the trunk.

The police officer shows up and says the finger print people will be coming soon. The finger print person was a guy wearing jeans and smoking a cigarette. I was impressed to say the least. There was NO CSI shit going down here. They took about 5 mins and said they could not find prints because of the dust on the car. GREAT JOB!!!!!

So we ended up getting our laptops stolen, me driving home with glass under my ass and my window permanently down, and then having to pay $185 to get my window repaired.

More on the race ...

Ah yes, a hell of a time at the Nascar race! Yeah, I thought the sink was a trough. It was confusing - they looked exactly the same, except the one had soap. Well, it was too late by the time I saw the soap. Some more highlights ...
-The cop that mentioned the muttonchops came up while we were were all standing around outside on the sidewalk, drinking beers, 1/2 of us underage
-Biscuits and Gravy and Crown Royal booths side by side
-Seeing the #5 car lead a few laps
-My brother and his buddy drinking, and ordering drinks in the bar even though his buddy looked about 17.
-My brother puking in the bar
-Jesse's tire necklace and then humping of Marvin with it
-Bus ride with Tom Selleck
-Bus ride with Tim McGraw's brother
-Pounding beers with Big Country, Big Marv, and my Bro
- Asking the waitress at Waffle House if there was a race or something going on today - as we all sat around in our driver's shirts with tickets hanging around our necks
-Jesse calling to see if the strippers did private showings
-Marvin almost pissing himself he was laughing so hard when we sent Jesse to the wrong room in his towel
-Busch beer

We gotta go back next year!

Sausage Gravy and Nascar

Hey man, you must be a racin' fan cause that's a nas car.

Highlights - don't worry, there will be more stories to come, as well as pictures.

- The new TJ - skin and bones, man, skin and bones
- Wearing a Nascar t-shirt, camo cargo pants, a Budweiser hat, and sporting mutton chops and a crustache
- Random State Highway Patrolman guy - "I had sideburns like that back in 1972."
- The sheer enormity of the race track, simply incredible
- TJ peeing in the sink because he thought it was a trough (this was early btw, the soap tipped him off)
- People watching - some real characters
- The over/under bet (five) on the number of black people at the race (not including workers). I won with the over. I think we counted seven.
- The $2 bets on the next caution flag lap
- The guy with no teeth
- The beautiful breastesses on the girl beside us
- The creepy guys behind the girl with the beautiful breastesses who were molesting her the whole race
- TJ trying to take pictures of the beautiful breastesses on the girl beside us
- The looks on everyone's face when the cars came around for the first lap - so loud and so cool and everyone high fiveing. A moment I will truly never forget.
- Giant BBQ turkey legs
- Eating only sausage gravy and biscuits (or damn near)
- Making fun of the woman who stood up and gave the "number one" finger every time Jimmy Johnson came around the track (almost as if she thought he could see it and be inspired)
- Steve (TJ's bro) drunk as ballz
- Slapping Steve upside the head
- Attempting to pee in a Coke can on the shuttle back to the hotel
- Peeing in the airport parking garage
- Missing out on dinner at Waffle House because I was passed out
- Waking up some poor, hot girl in only a towel because Marvin and TJ purposely told me the wrong room number
- Trying to go to the strip club but we had the younguns
- Getting to hang out with TJ again - Priceless
- Annual event biatches

The Golf Blog - Natalie Gulbis

I was just trying to find a golf pic to put up for my post before this. So I went to Google and looked up Golf. The second image was Natalie Gulbis. Check out here interview with thegolfblog.com at the below link:

http://www.thegolfblog.com/2005/06/natalie-gulbis-golf-blog-interview_08.html

Naked Golfing

Jesse and I went golfing yesterday at Reeves. We didn't golf too bad. We both shot a 53. I had my one predictable bad hole where I lost two golf balls and was tempted to throw my club a couple of times. Jesse was tearing up the chipping throughout the 9. It was nice to b/c we started at 6:12 but were able to get everything in before it got dark.

The funny thing was that I got an email confirmation from Reeves when I setup the tee time and this was a line in the email:

DRESS CODE: All golfers are expected to wear appropriate attire. Shirts and shoes must be worn at all times.


Do alot of people try to go golfing naked? I have two images for you:

1) Everyone on the golf course is playing naked. People are on the green and lining up there putts. The list of nasty imagery could go on and on.

2) Picture this in your head......gettting hit by a flying golf ball in the you no where. I guess that it wouldn't be any better if your clothes were on but just imagine it happening while you were naked.

Geocache

Well, I'm sitting here watching the Reds bullpen blow another game and figured I'd make that geocaching post I've been meaning to make.

The picture above gives the general idea of what a cache looks like. Many are in old ammo cans like above, but some are tupperware, buckets, or really any kinda container.

The idea is to find a cache on the web (www.geocaching.com), load the coordinates into a GPS receiver, and then to go find it - in the woods, countryside, or even in the city. It's a pretty nerdy thing if you think about it, but I like the outdoors and I like toys (ie - GPS) so it works for me. It gets me out to different parks or places that I didn't really even knew existed before. It's also an excuse to get some exercise, assuming I'm walking about as fast as I can to each cache when hiking, which I normally do.

Some caches you can drive right up to, some I've hiked over 3 miles for. One day I did 20 caches in a day and hiked between 8 and 9 miles that day.

Here is the link to the Getting Started guide for geocaching.

Here is a list of all the caches I've done.

Here is my geocaching.com profile

That's sorta a general starting description of what it's all about. But you've also got things like multi-caches, virtual caches, earth caches, travel bugs, etc. But those are for another day if anyone is interested. I'm sure there will be other nights that I am sitting here watching the Reds blow ass and killing time before bed.

Speechless

This bullpen has left me speechless.

Movie Review - Superman Returns

It's your typical Superman movie where he acts like Clark Kent and is clumsy trying to play off that he is not Superman. How could you tell that he is Superman? I mean....Superman puts on a cape and gels his hair back. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Clark Kent wears eyeglasses and Superman doesn't.

I won't go through the whole plot but I would say that I was pleasantly surprised. It's a little cheesy at times but I thought they did a good job with the movie. If you remember the old Supermans, they would always through in some humor to keep it light. The nice thing in Superman Returns is that they are able to do this too but they don't over do it. There are also some typical Superman saves the day scenes and him trying to take down Lex Luther.

I thought Brandon Routh (Superman) and Kevin Spacey (Lex Luther) did a great job as there characters in the movie. The thing I'm interested to know is how Lois Lane actually got younger. I could see Superman not aging but what about Lois. All and all I enjoyed the movie and would recommend seeing it...........B+.

My Girl Cassie

This broad is just friggin' hot. She sings the song 'Me & U'.
Cassie MySpace Music

Movie Review - A History of Violence

I have no idea why I rented this movie other than the fact that it said, "The Best Movie of the Year" on the front. Whoever says that is on drugs. The plot had promise: a man in a small town becomes a hero when he saves several people from armed robbers, his newfound fame finds him then being "mistaken" for an ex-mafia member so the mob comes to take him out, then we find out he is ex-mafia and he kills everyone. The problem was the acting was terrible, the killing scenes were not all that cool, and the movie ends abruptly with his family hating but accepting him. I give it a C+.